In December we traveled to Charleston on a whim to visit my Dad. Sitting there trying to cheer my Tide on during the game I felt strangely dizzy. I knew immediately that something was going on with my body. I had this strange intuition of what might be causing this, although I didn’t think it was a likely possibility. After all, my husband and I had both agreed we were done with having babies. Together we have four children. We had both agreed that we should leave some time to ourselves as the children are getting older. Time for travel and to live life to the hilt. You know as the saying goes…we make plans and God laughs.
Last week I sent my husband to the store to buy six apples. Those six apples sat on our table, just staring at me. I suddenly regretted asking him to buy them.
I had thought I would try my hand at making apple turnovers, but then I started thinking about my Grandmother and the apple turnovers she use to make. Suddenly, I started missing her so much that it took my breath away. Every day I would stare at those six apples and put off my first attempt to make those turn- overs. I guess people deal with sadness and emotion in different ways and I assume mine is to pretend it’s not there. To not think about it, and avoid strolling down memory lane at all cost. I think fear was also another big part of that. I knew I would not be able to make them taste the way my grandmother did and that fear of disappointment was paralyzing.
Finally yesterday, I just grabbed a knife and started peeling the apples. Without even looking at a cookbook away I went.
It was like that last year when I attempted to make fig preserves for the first time. Fig-preserves were another thing my grandmother always made. I would sit and eat them straight out of the jar. I put off making those fig preserves and was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to make them the way I remembered hers’ tasting.
There are so many things I miss about my Grandmother. I guess the most obvious would be her food and maybe just the simple repetitiveness of our time spent together. When I got older and would come for a visit, she would always show me her garden and her flowerbeds. We would always walk her yard and talk. Every time I would leave she would stand on her front porch and wave at me until I got out of sight. She was always cooking for me and sending me home with something. I miss her so much and I would give anything to have more time with her. I miss all things she did for me. Cooking me countless meals and giving me so much love. I miss her constant praise and telling me how proud she is of me and asking me endlessly what brand of toothpaste I use to get my teeth so white. She was always giving me lots of love and praise. I always felt that I had made her proud of me.
After I finally cooked the first apple turnover I barely got it on the plate before I sunk my teeth in for the first bite. I just wanted to rip the disappointment off like a band-aid. Surprisingly enough they tasted pretty good. Not quit as good as I remember hers, but I think she would be proud of me!
She has waited her whole life for him. That’s what Kacy told me during our first conversation over the phone. How could I not fall in love with the both of them from the start? When we met for our first consultation to discuss all the little details Kacy seemed very indecisive and it wasn’t until later that week I received the sweetest email from her.
Thank you so much for taking so much time with us this morning. We are truly excited about having you photograph our special day. I’m sorry we were a little indecisive..I’ve known I wanted to use you after I read your bio and saw your pictures, but I wanted to make sure my parents were comfortable with spending the money. I have a hard time spending my own money and an even harder time spending others as my hearts desire is to love and serve people, not live a life for me. I have had the opportunity to serve in Haiti for about 5 years now and it completely change me and my outlook on my needs and purpose. Seeing that kind of poverty, being given a baby who was so premature he was lifeless and told he was mine, and spending time walking those dusty streets broke me in the way that God desired and that i needed. I think that has been a huge reason why planning a wedding has been so hard because all the details that matter so much to others are not important at all to me. What is important is marrying the man God sent into my life and displaying God’s love to all those who attend. Anyways, I feel very blessed to have you spend this special day with us and I appreciate all you are doing. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and I will get in touch with you soon about engagement photos, etc.
Then when I thought I couldn’t love her more she brings with her homemade chocolate chip cookies for my kids. Ahhhhh…. She’s completely won my heart!
Now, on to a few highlights from our session together. I really enjoyed spending the afternoon with these two. Such a sweet couple and as you can see from the images, very much in love!
This morning when my alarm went off my husband tucked me back into bed and got the kids up, fed and off to school. Snuggling back under the warm covers I realized how much I love him. Love is about the little things. Washing my car, grocery shopping and yes, letting me sleep in. Happy Monday everyone!